Individuals
We typically work on relationship obstacles and building conscious relationship skills: communication, agreements, attachment patterns, working through jealousy, and unpacking the stories you're carrying about what love is supposed to look like. Sometimes that also includes figuring out whether CNM is actually right for you. No one should be gaslit or peer pressured into non-monogamy, including by themselves. All relationship styles are wonderful, beautiful, and valid. I work with plenty of monogamous couples too.
Couples, Polycules, and More
My systems therapy training comes in here. I pay as much attention to the space between people as I do to the people themselves: the roles, the structures, the dynamics at play across the whole relationship system. I'm not just supporting the established couple while the newer partner goes unacknowledged. I bring somatic therapy, Gottman research, attachment theory, queer identity exploration, and sex and kink therapy together depending on what the system needs.
And because I'm embedded in CNM community myself, running groups, hosting events, navigating my own relationship anarchy daily, I'm not learning about mononormativity or couple privilege from a textbook. I'm watching people unpack it in real time, including myself.
Polyamory Therapist Intern in Seattle for CNM and Open Relationships
For people whose relationships don't fit the script and who are tired of explaining that to their therapist.
I'm seeing clients as a clinical intern at Connection Therapy Center. Sessions are $60/hour.
Introduction
Most of us CNM folks have sat with therapists who aren't poly, don't have any exposure to the world of non-monogamy, and either just politely nod along or offer unhelpful suggestions. And let's be real, polite nodding and unhelpful suggestions are what we already get from society, along with disapproving looks and "I could never do that."
I've been CNM for over a decade, relationship anarchist specifically. I've run groups and events with solo poly folks, triads, swingers, anchor partners with a constellation of sweeties and kink buddies, and structures that don't have a name yet. Whatever you're building, I'm not going to need you to explain it from scratch or defend it. We can just get to work.
You Might Be Here Because...
You and your partner are considering opening up and the feelings are bigger and more complicated than you expected.
You're mid-opening and attachment fears or jealousy are showing up in ways nobody planned for.
One partner is exploring their queerness and the other is navigating their own complicated feelings about what that means for the relationship
There are conflicts around expectations or agreements and nobody can seem to get on the same page.
The complex dynamics in your polycule or relationship network aren't resolving on their own.
Communication keeps breaking down in the same places.
Jealousy is hitting harder than you thought it would, and the "just communicate more" advice isn't cutting it.
You've tried therapy before and your therapist clearly had no idea what you were talking about.
You're solo poly and keep ending up in situations where you feel like a secondary when that's not what you signed up for.
A new partner is entering an existing relationship and someone is feeling unseen or unacknowledged in the process.
You're carrying some internalized shame or guilt about your relationship style even though it feels right to you.
Your partner wants to open up and you're not sure you do, and you don't want to be pressured either way.
There's conflict in your polycule and everyone has a different story about what's happening.
You've been poly for years and you've hit a wall you haven't hit before.
What a Lot of CNM Folks Are Looking for in Therapy
Real talk: relationship work takes time!
Building nervous-system security and the skills to navigate complex CNM relationships takes time. And clients' goals sometimes shift as they go. Here's what people often come in looking for:
To feel more secure and less overwhelmed in their relationships
To get better at working with jealousy instead of being hijacked by it
To communicate more clearly and build agreements that actually hold
To untangle the inherited stories and gender dynamics that keep recreating the same patterns
To take the pressure off and figure out whether CNM is genuinely right for them
There's conflict in your polycule and everyone has a different story about what's happening.
What Our Sessions Actually Look Like
As a clinical MFT intern, scheduling and payment is handled through Connection Therapy Center. They take care of all the logistics so we can focus on the actual work.
As for what happens in the room: I'm not just a sit-and-nod therapist.
Bessel van der Kolk's research and polyvagal theory both point to the same thing: you can't think your way out of an emotion. The nervous system doesn't respond to logic. It responds to body awareness, safety, and learning to actually move the energy behind emotions. So in addition to talking, sessions often include breathwork, grounding techniques, pausing to be with emotions, and somatic exercises as ways of getting the body involved in the process, not just the brain.
I keep fidgets and drawing supplies in the office because some brains work better when hands are busy. Sometimes I'll have you draw or diagram out a situation or a feeling, which sounds simple but is often surprisingly revealing. If you're neurodivergent or just someone who doesn't do well sitting still for 50 minutes, you're in good company.
For relationship sessions (couples, polycules, or any other configuration), the first session is an intake where I get a clear picture of what's going on and what you're hoping for. After that I'll often have each person come in individually before we reconvene together. This gives everyone space to speak freely and helps me understand the whole system, not just the parts shared when partners are in the room. Additional partners or people can be brought in along the way as it makes sense.
Want to go deeper?
Inclusivity Affirmation
I love working with folks holding queer, trans, non-binary, kinky, and neurodivergent identities, and all relationship structures including monogamous, polyamorous, relationship anarchist, swinging, open, and everything in between.
CAROUSEL HERE
Frequently Asked Questions
Ethical non-monogamy (ENM), like consensual non-monogamy (CNM), is an umbrella term for any relationship structure where people have more than one romantic or sexual connection, with everyone's knowledge and consent. The "ethical" part is what separates ENM from cheating: everyone involved knows what's going on and has agreed to it. Under this umbrella there are a whole bunch of nuanced relationship styles including polyamory, open relationships, relationship anarchy, swinging, solo poly, polyfidelity, and a bunch of configurations that don't have names because people are just making them up as they go.
Some people use these terms interchangeably, but in general: polyamory tends to refer to having multiple romantic relationships where emotional connection is part of the picture. Open relationships often refer to a committed couple who've agreed to open up to sexual connections outside the partnership, either with or without emotional commitment. Relationship anarchy throws both frameworks out and starts from scratch, inviting each relationship to be defined entirely on its own terms. Labels can be important anchors, but each person in a relationship may assign different meanings to the same one. So often it's more useful to get clear on what your shared agreements actually are.
Traditionally, compersion is described as the feeling of joy you get from seeing someone you love happy, including when that happiness involves another partner. People often talk about it as the opposite of jealousy, though I'd say they're more like two real, valid experiences that are often both present at the same time. Dr. Marie Thouin, a leading researcher on the topic, describes compersion in CNM relationships as a spectrum of responses to witnessing your partner engaging in relationships with others. [HYPERLINK "Dr. Marie Thouin" to: https://www.multiamory.com/podcast/484-what-is-compersion-with-dr-marie-thouin] Compersion doesn't come naturally to everyone, is almost always a work in progress, and is definitely not a test of how poly you are. Often people feel it more easily in certain situations than others. It's a relieving and wonderful experience when it shows up, but it's not a requirement for CNM. Your relationship agreements are more important.
Yes. CNM relationships are not inherently more destabilizing, traumatic, or dysfunctional than monogamous ones. People in consensually non-monogamous relationships report similar levels of relationship satisfaction, trust, and commitment to their monogamous counterparts. What the research shows is that some challenges of CNM are specific to CNM while others are shared across all relationship styles. Attachment triggers and communication breakdowns are universal, while jealousy, scheduling stress, and navigating societal stigma are amplified. All of these take time to work through and they don't just go away because you've read Polysecure. That said, as the relationship anarchy framework lays out, I believe all forms of consensually exchanged love are valid.
Relationship anarchy, or RA, is a framework developed by Andie Nordgren that basically asks: what if we didn't assume any relationship should look a certain way just because of how society categorizes it? What if we removed the hierarchy that says romantic relationships are more significant than platonic ones? What if we let go of the social scripts dictating what love is supposed to look like? As a relationship anarchist, you get to design your relationships from scratch based on what you and the others involved actually want, rather than defaulting to norms inherited from the outside. That way the commitments you make are genuine rather than assumed. I identify as a relationship anarchist myself, which colors how I approach this work by making me a big proponent of each person, duo, trio, and beyond getting to decide what relationship structures and roles they want.
Nowadays most liberal therapists are aware that poly relationships exist. Being "poly-friendly" means they'll at least nod along without judgment. But what's harder to find is someone who actually understands the specific dynamics at play: what it feels like when one partner is in NRE, how attachment patterns arise across multiple relationships, or what the weight of internalized mononormativity actually does to a person. Polycule dynamics can get complicated fast, and it's important for a therapist to help you tell the difference between jealousy that needs tending and agreements that need renegotiating. Good questions to ask a potential therapist: Have you worked with CNM clients before? Do you have any personal experience with non-monogamy? What's your approach when a client is struggling with jealousy in an open relationship? Their answers will tell you a lot. And if a therapist's first instinct is to question whether CNM is a good idea for you without you asking, that's useful information too.
Not necessarily. I work with both individuals and relationships on non-monogamy topics. For relationship sessions I typically start with a joint intake, then have each person come in individually before we reconvene together. This gives each person a chance to speak freely and gives me a clearer picture of the whole system and each person's background. For polycules or more complex configurations we'll figure out together who needs to be in the room and when, and sometimes that shifts as the work evolves.
Individual therapy can be genuinely useful for relationship work even when you're the only one in the room. You can do a lot on your own: developing communication skills, understanding your attachment patterns, working through jealousy, getting clearer on what you actually want and need. In my experience, relationships can shift when one person in them shifts. That said, there are real limits to what individual therapy can do for relational dynamics. If your partner or partners are open to it, even a few joint sessions can move things significantly.
Yes. I see individuals, couples, and multi-partner configurations with no upper limit on how many people can be part of the work. We'll collaboratively figure out who needs to be in the room and when. Working with polycules requires a systems therapy lens, which means paying attention to the whole relational ecosystem rather than just the individuals in it: who holds what role, where tension is concentrated, which dynamics are supporting the system and which ones are adding friction. In the last 70 years systems therapies like Structural, Strategic, and Experiential have evolved and built on one another to inform how we work with families and relationships. This is genuinely my favorite kind of work, and I believe that even when things feel complicated, together we can find ways to resolve tension, make good decisions, and care for everyone's hearts.
Yep. I've been CNM for over a decade and I identify as a relationship anarchist specifically. I run community groups and events, I've navigated many of the dynamics that come up in this work in my own life, and I'm still actively doing it. The work never ends, but as Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks describe in The Conscious Heart, I believe relationship is a spiritual path and I've committed to learning from every relationship interaction. Making that commitment is what's made CNM feel possible and even joyful for me. I love meeting and working with poly folks because we get to do therapeutic work together and geek out on relationships. What else could I possibly want to do?
Schedule through Connection Therapy Center
I'm currently seeing clients as a clinical MFT intern at Connection Therapy Center. Sessions are $60/hour. Booking and payment handled through their system.